I am sitting here, ladies and gentlemen, fuming. Yes, fuming. I am experiencing what the kids are calling being "peeved off". I am in remedial math -- that is, math for beginners. This class is full of back-to-school moms and/or high school dropouts, and it covers, in a single semester, everything your children spend 9 grades learning in public school.

Is this what's got me disgruntled? No, readers, I've long since made my peace with the fact that I am not very good at math and very well may not get caught up to where I should be until well into the future. No, it's not that. This last Tuesday, we had a test on fractions. I walked in as I normally would, worried sick that I would bomb it and fail math for dummies class. I sit at the table, put my head down to the paper, and begin.

Some hour and forty-five minutes later, the teacher places my graded test in front of me, and I gasp, mouth agape. I score a 93% on a test I was almost positive I would fail. I ride higher than I ever have in the math classroom as I am showered with praise from my tablemates and share what can only be described as a beautiful Kodak moment. This, of course, is not what's got my thigh-high Lycra stockings in a bunch. Minutes after being given my scored test back, one of the women who sits at my table gets her scored exam back as well. She has a perfect 100%.

Am I upset that she did better than me, that she succeeded? Absolutely not. It is every American's God-given right to exceed and excel, especially when they've carefully poured their time and effort into making sure they do. Then why, you might ask, why oh why am I upset at this circumstance at all?

She cheated.

That's right, ladies and gentlemen. For nigh two hours I had to watch this woman blatantly punch her problems into a polished Texas Instrument she had brought into class and ever-so-subtly hid underneath her spiral-bound notebook, which is a HUGE malfeasance in the remedial math community. Literally, all she had to do was type the equations on her test paper into her calculator and she was spoon-fed the answer.

When the girl that sits next to me worked up the guts to ask her in a hushed whisper about it, this lady attempted to quietly convince us all that the teacher told the class the week before that calculators would be allowed for this test. My tablemates and I exchanged very subtle and very skeptical glances, and I took one extremely unamused glance about the classroom from my chair just to make sure I was right -- as expected, not a soul had so much as their cellphones visible.

I roll my eyes in my head, and my tablemates and I wordlessly agree that none of us are going to call the woman out on it, dispute it, or let the teacher in on the fact that she brought it in. She is a sixty-five year-old woman struggling in remedial math class, after all. Not even the hardest of asses or the most tightly wound hall monitors would deliberately ensure the flunkage of a woman who probably doesn't have even ten years left.

Look Doris, I don't have anything against you, okay? AND, I appreciate that you bring a sort of grandmotherly aura to our little sub-community (even though you're surly and arrogant and an abusively critical person by nature(which is why you have such trouble in an atmosphere as universally humble as remedial math) and I hate you by the way), but this raises some serious questions, both from an ethics standpoint and a common sense standpoint.

1.) Do you honestly believe that we were allowed to use a calculator, or were you lying through your teeth because we saw you using it? COME ON, DORIS. I know your mind is untouched by time. The teacher mentioned allowing calculators for the later sections of the book, but he never ever ever said people could use a calculator on the freakin' fractions test. I honestly wish I could get an answer to this one at least.

2.) Remedial math is not a credit course. This does not count as your math elective. You know this. You're paying for this class to learn how to do this stuff, not how to hide and/or operate a calculator in a classroom. Wouldn't it have been more profitable to try and cheat in something that actually counted towards your degree, like Algebra 2?

3.) WHY DID YOU SATURATE MY SMALL VICTORY WITH YOUR ELDERLY SHENANIGANS? DID NOT YOU THINK FOR ONE SECOND THAT I MIGHT WANT TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF FOR GETTING A 93? NOOOO YOU HAD TO GO AND GET 100 AND ONE-UP ME BY CHEATING

WHAT-F**KIN-EVER I'LL BUY AND SELL YOU IN THE SAME AFTERNOON WHEN I OWN GOOGLE

Fin!

P.S. The late 20-something chick who gives me a ride home has entrusted me with some of her marital issues. Last time she dropped me off she told me about how she and her husband had gotten into a fight. More on this story as it develops.

P.P.S. Doing a quick search, I see that there are a lot of blogs entitled "Without Further Ado". I've never really felt super attached to it. Considering changing. Will pursue outside opinion and report back.