Dear Silver Goddamn 2009 Camaro I Pass Every Time I Walk Across Campus,

I, quite frankly, hate you. How dare you taunt and belittle me every time I walk from the east building to the north building? Do you feel an innate need to remind me of how much money I don't have every single day at roughly 10:50 AM? You are an abomination and the unmitigated animosity I feel for you does not even compare with the rage of a galaxy collapse.

I will own you one day, you know. One day I'll have money to support a car that gets seven miles to the gallon and still be able to eat food at the end of the day and pay rent and buy clothes. It'll happen. Sooner than you think, cretin. I'm coming for the world, and you're my first step up. Your days of not being mine are numbered.

Ain't NOBODY has ANY business owning a Camaro at a community college, anyway. What the hell? I don't care if you're a student, a teacher, or the goddamn dean himself, nobody who goes to a community college owns a Camaro. It doesn't work like that. So quit it. Quit being on my campus. Just stop.

GO AWAY.